2012年10月7日日曜日

『三流の詐欺師 / Third-rate fraud No.1』

   【たかが人生と見捨てるなかれ きっと何処かに 煌めく宴が待っている】

  吹き溜まり市場 / Drift market

01) 青春の喜怒哀楽・壮年の起承転結・晩節の春夏秋冬と、何時の場合も人間の営みには、激しい暴風雨が猛威を振るい、行く手を阻もうと襲い掛かって来る。
それぞれが阿修羅の如く手足を目いっぱい突っ張り、得体の知れない波風に挑まざるを得ない訳です。
その操法は千差万別であり、乱戦の最中にはどれが正しいかなど、誰にも解りはしないだろう。
人生とはその様なものであると思います。


02) 然し、幾多の戦いがすんで日が暮れかかる頃、新しい旅立ちの季節が近い事を感ずると、多くの人達は過去の瞬間を振り返り、愚かだった戦場の空しさに溜息を漏らす。
それでも頑ななまでに意地を貫こうと感情が疼き騒ぐのは何故だろう。
それは私の様に枯れきってしまう事の出来なかった男に与えられた、晩節の春夏秋冬だと云えるのではないでしょうか。


03) 現実への挑戦、人間の欲望と本能、世の中との融和、義務、常識、責任など、これらに学んだ正義感や自尊心や価値観が、如何に零弱で頼りないものか、嫌と云うほど教えられた。
誠意や我慢だけでは、決して幸せなど勝ち取れない現実をたっぷりと味わったけど、そこには僅かばかりの充実感もなければ、歓喜などは全く存在しなかったと思う。


04) 平穏な日々を望む心が悩み、苦しみ、喘ぎ、傷んでまで、鬱積する不透明な憤りを拭い去ろうと焦っていた。
そして、己に謎かけしている自分の姿を、冷淡すぎる眼差しで傍観する、もう一人の孤独な己の陰が間違いなく佇んでいると感じた。
正直なところ、悔やんでいる様でもあり諦めに近い感情もあります。


05) 多くの人達も私と同じ様に、ひとつやふたつの悩みを抱え、誰かに話したい衝動と、どうしても切り出せない歯痒さに苛立ち、何時もその狭間で戸惑いもがき苦しんでもいるだろう。
真実を語る勇気が明日への希望を繋ぎ、心の綻びを繕う近道であると解っていても、いざとなると重い腰が何故か動こうとはしない筈です。


06) 私はフィリピンへ関わる決心を固めるまでに一年を費やしました。
年老いた母親の事が常に頭から離れず、長年慣れ親しんだ芸能界も去り難かった。
見知らぬ国に対する恐怖感や母国語しか解さない不安感に苛まれ、知人たちから頂戴している温かなアドバイスや戒めによって、金縛り状態だった気がする。


07) いま振り返ってみれば友人たちの云われる様に、

ここフィリピンには、私の如く引き際を誤り帰るに帰れない者、この国に流れ着いて異国人と結婚した女、一獲千金を夢見る渡り鳥の様な男、曰くつきの男を養っている憐れな老婆、祖国の女性と結婚も侭ならない憐れで偏な老人など、

確かに多種多様です。


08)  私が関わった商売だけを取り上げても、

タレントの後を追って来た者、昔の恋人から呼び寄せられた男、姿を晦ましたタレントを捜している店のお客さんなど、

企業の出向社員関係を除けば、それなりに難しい十字架を背負った人達の吹き溜まりに等しかった。

これらの多くは三流市場で売れ残った野菜だと云っても、決して言い過ぎではないと感じ取るのに、余り長い時間を必要とはしませんでした。


09) 冷静になって考えると永谷和司と云う男も、こうした三流市場の住人に等しい、同胞の女性には相手にもされない人種だった。
女を求めてこの国へ流れ着いた男でもあった。
あれだけ多くの知人に教えを受け、この道ではプロに成長した筈の私を見事に騙したのである。

嘘の様な本当の話を解き明かしましょう。


Drift market

「This English sentence is machine translation. Please forgive the joint of the ignorance.」

01) In the case of four season and what time of introduction, development, denouement and conclusion, the late in life of feelings, the prime of life of the youth, I attack the human working an intense rainstorm rages, and to block ahead.
Each pushes up hands and feet like the devil or a fearful god greatly and I hit it and open it and challenge the strange wind and waves.
Nobody will know the how to handle is multifarious, and which is right in the middle of the confused fight.
I think that it looks like it with the life.



02) However, many people look back toward the past moment when I feel that a season of the new departure is near when I finish many fights, and a day goes down and express a sigh about the emptiness of a stupid battlefield.Still it will be why that feelings ache to carry through guts so as to be obstinate and make noise.
When it is the four season of the late in life when the man of finishing dying like me hard to please was given it, may not it say?


03) It was taught whether it was little less than 0 how, and sense of justice and pride and the sense of values that I learned from challenge to reality, human greed and instinct, harmony with the world, duty, common sense, these including the responsibility were unreliable so as to say if unpleasant.
Though I determine it only for good faith and patience and fully tasted reality not to be able to gain including the happiness, I think that the delight did not exist at all if there is not an insignificant sense of fulfilment there.


04) I got impatient a heart to expect peaceful days was troubled and suffered and panted, and aching to wipe opaque resentment to smolder.
And I felt one's figure which deleted whether you were mystery to oneself when another lonely one's shade which looked on with a too cold look must be it and stood still.
To be frank, I seemed to regret it, and there were the feelings that were almost reconciliation.



05) Many people are irritated with the impulse that I want to tell to somebody and impatience to be able to never cut and bring it down with one and two troubles in the same way as me and I am always puzzled in the interval and will writhe.
Even if courage to tell the truth joins hope to tomorrow together and understands it when it is a shortcut keeping up the rip of the heart, the waist which is heavy to stand up cannot be going to move for some reason.



06) I spent one year before I strengthened determination about Philippines.
Aged mother was not always separated from a head and was hard to leave the entertainment world where I got used to for many years.
Only a sense of fear and the native language for the unknown country are tormented by jitters not to understand and, by warm advice and admonition receiving from acquaintances, feel like having been a binding tight state.

  07) Even if I take up only the business that I was concerned with,

As for the visitors of a shop looking for the person who followed the talent, a man called together by an old lover, the talent who disappeared,

Except the temporary transfer employee relations of the company, it was equal to the drift of people who carried a cross hard to please on their back as such.

Though I took in it even if these most said that it was the vegetables which remained unsold in a third-rate market when not exaggerated at all, I did not need it at the time when I had a long it too much.


08) The man who said that I calmed down and thought with Kazuji Nagaya
was the race that was not done to a partner to the woman of the mother country which was equal to the resident of such a third class market either.
Even if these most said that it was the vegetables which remained unsold of the third-rate market, I did not need it at the time when I had a long it too much though I took in it when not exaggerated at all.


09) The man who said that I calmed down and thought with Kazuji
Nagaya was the race that was not done to a partner to the woman of the mother country which was equal to the resident of such a third class market either.
I received teaching to so many acquaintances and deceived me who should have matured into a professional wonderfully on this way. I solve the truth such as the lie.